Carpinteria CONNECT

Carpinteria Unified School District CARP Childrens Project

Ways to Deal With a Bully

Hi guys, I hope you’re doing well. I’m going to talk about bullying today. It’s a really serious topic and I don’t take it lightly. The reason I’m talking about it is that I’ve heard recently from a family member that they were being bullied. Bullying can take many forms, whether you’re being isolated or called names or people are spreading rumors. I took some time to really educate myself on this topic and really make sure that I’m passing along useful tips to give you guys about how to deal with bullies.

The Bully Is Hurting and Wants to Share Their Pain

The thing to realize about a bully is a bully is just someone who is hurt. They are a person who is taking their frustrations out on you and it goes back to an old saying that says “hurt people hurt people.” That’s all a bully is, someone who is hurt who is hurting others. So anytime someone is purposefully hurting you or bullying you or hating on you realize that it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with the bully and the hurting paying that they’re going through. Don’t take it personally and feel like there’s something wrong with you. If anything you should be flattered because the bully is going to pick on someone who they see as a threat. In essence the bully is saying “Hey, you have a lot going for yourself you have something that I admire so I’m going to pick on you and bring you down to my level.” That’s all it is. The bully sees something good in you so you can take that as a bittersweet complement. I’m not just saying that you should befriend them, get out of harm’s way. What I am saying is that it has nothing to do with you.

Find Someone To Talk To

Another thing that I suggest is to get a close support group so if you have a close friend that you can trust or a close adult or relative, talk to them. I understand the hesitation of talking to someone for fear of escalating the matters but if you can, find someone that you can really trust or who can walk around with you where the bully situation occurs.

Remember that violence never solves anything. Never pay back their hate with more hate. That’s only going to do two things.

Number 1: it’s going to make things worse. All they’re going to do is get more angry and come back at you more aggressively

Number 2: It brings you down to their level you want to maintain your character and maintain your integrity. If it’s a non-life threatening situation or if it’s not physical just try your best.

I know it’s hard, but try to live your life. Try to be happy so they believe that they can’t affect you and that they’re not getting to you. If there’s something that you love to do just keep doing it. Don’t stop doing what you love to do. Don’t ever let a threat of a person keep you from doing what you like to do. I don’t care if they’re isolating you, I don’t care if they’re discouraging you or calling you names you keep doing what you like to do. Show that bully that they are not affecting you. That’s all they’re after, is your response.. The good news is you will develop a thicker skin.

Don’t Stop Doing What You Enjoy

I got picked on when I was in school. People made fun of my nose. I remember this one bully in sixth grade they used to pick on me so bad I came home crying, I woke up crying. I hated going to school. Even here online, I get negative comments about my articles and about how I’m a loser. I will never let negative comments keep me from writing articles because I work to encourage you guys and that is what’s most important to me. Encouraging you guys means more than any negative comment that I can ever get. You can’t pay back evil by doing evil. You should only pay back evil by doing good.

Stand Up For Yourself

Now here’s when things get really difficult. As much as I’d like to say to just ignore the bully, there will come a time when you will have to stand up for yourself. Bullies are like predators. They smell fear they sense insecurities. To stand up for yourself you’re going to have to dilute the situation. You’re going to have to call the bully out. If they’re calling you names if they’re picking on you, turn this situation around. Stand tall, shoulders back. Say “I’m sorry, are you having a bad day?” Try not to get intimidated and don’t get angry or emotional because that’s what they want. Your greatest bet is to act unaffected. If it gets physical or verbally abusive or gets life-threatening get an adult involved immediately.

I really hope this helps you out. I’ve been through these situations before and this has helped me. Just remember it’s not you, it’s the bully and your best bet is to feel sorrow for them and to not take it personally.